I've had two extensive phone surveys within the last 4 months about our stay and decision to chose PCMC, which have gotten me to pondering.
And holy smokes did I almost start to cry tonight at the end of the 25 minute chat.
Most of the time I think I'm healed, over all the trauma, but then I get sudden flashes of hard moments in the hospital.
Or in tonight's case a very peaceful memory...
... It was a hard first few days after Eli's (age 4.5 months) 2nd surgery, the Glenn Shunt. It's kind of shocking to see my child's beautiful face double in size because of rerouted blood flow, and the pressures not yet stabilized. And he's in pain, even with medication, because the pressure makes a "terrible, worse than a migraine head ache," they say.
He's just a baby. My son, that I can't hold and comfort.
This specific day is hard. Typically the nurses are out of this world amazing, but Eli's nurse on this particular day was... well, we know she doesn't really want to be there. Close to retiring, and we can tell. Matt and I spend an enormous amount of energy that day, doing our best to comfort Eli, help him eat, help him be comfortable, and we need a break. It's shift change anyway, so perfect time to leave (since we must) and grab some food.
We are fed, we are rested, and we are ready to check-in on Eli and say goodnight.
I go down the hall, at first noticing the peace and quiet. Soft dim light is emitting from the room, and we peek inside: a small woman is sitting at her table going over notes, the room looks organized, and Eli is asleep. I notice that he has been sponge bathed, he's in new pjs, and he's resting on his side (compared the back which he's been on all day). Peace fills my insides, and I sit next to Eli's bed and just watch him...
... This memory is why I'm an emotional wreck tonight. Wow it's a lot of tears!
